Just over four years ago I made the hardest decision of my life. This decision didn’t just affect me or my children it affected my entire family. It also changed me as a person. I placed my youngest child for adoption.
I was 30 years old, a single divorced mom to two beautiful girls, sadly after discovering that my fiancé was a psychopath and con man. I walked away at nearly 5 months pregnant. We lost more than I can tell you because of him. But I had to start thinking about my children and the baby. I started to try and sort out my life after I left him.
But it was hard and I had to start thinking about how we would survive because as a single mom I was struggling to make ends meet before I was pregnant. So how would I make sure this beautiful child I was carrying was ok? How could I guarantee that my two girls would be ok?
I couldn’t. I decided to place my baby for adoption. It was the only way I could guarantee that all my children including the baby would have a chance in life.
I contacted a private social worker to find out what my options where. I had no clue as to how adoption worked.
They came and met me and we chatted about all my choices. They gave me time to think about it, sadly deep down I knew that it was my only option. But I had to be in control. So I wanted an open adoption I wanted to meet the baby’s parents. It was explained to me that South Africa didn’t recognise Open Adoptions at that point but I could have a semi open adoption, where I would receive letters and photos regarding the child. So I accepted and then started to look at profiles for adoptive parents.
My social worker gave me a profile and said she felt that this was the couple for me. I still wanted to be in control so I said well I’m not taking the first couple I want to make sure they are perfect for my baby. I want to look at all my options. And what if My social worker didn’t have the right couple for me. She assured me that they would find the right couple for me and the baby even if it meant using other social workers to help us. So I started off by looking at the three profiles. However she was right the first couples profile was perfect. I took it home to look at, and I called her to say please can I meet them.
I was so nervous to meet them, as they were to meet me. I liked them instantly. I had a list of questions drawn up I had done my homework about what to ask, and they answered everything. I knew that within 5 minutes of our meeting that they were the ones. However I only told my social worker after the meeting that they were the baby’s parents.
She called to tell them and we made a date so they could come to a scan and I wanted them to meet my girls. My girls fell in love with them on the spot.
We discussed the birth and I wanted them to see their baby being born so I asked them to be there for the birth which they were.
The birth was so special T’s mom held my hand and T’s Dad took photos. The doctors and specialists and nurses were amazing. When T was delivered my Doctor asked if I wanted to hold T and I said no. Her mom needed to hold her first. The look on their faces when T was placed in their arms was so special. I will never forget it.
I am extremely lucky as our adoption became open in time and I now get to see T and her parents a couple times a year.
An open adoption is wonderful but is also hard on both myself and T’s Parents. We have however decided that we want to do what is best for T and put her needs before our own.
We have an agreement that no matter what happens we place T and her needs before our own. So if in the future our openness is affecting T negatively we will close the adoption. T’s parents are so amazing they always worry about me. There is huge respect between us and I feel so blessed because I don’t feel like I have lost T. but I have gained a family.
T is lucky because she is so loved 100 times more now. She knows her sisters and she knows who I am.
My girls are lucky because they get to see T and adore her.
And I am blessed despite how hard this has been for me I know I did the right thing for all my children. I placed their needs above my own and in doing so I become the person I am today.
I love T and think of her every day. Adoption is now part our lives. And I am proud to call myself her Birthmom.