By Nancy Newton Verrier
The Primal Wound is a book which is revolutionizing the way we think about adoption. In its application of information about pre- and perinatal psychology, attachment, bonding, and loss, it clarifies the effects of separation from the birth mother on adopted children. In addition, it gives those children, whose pain has long been unacknowledged or misunderstood, validation for their feelings, as well as explanations for their behavior.
Although difficult to read because of the emotion it evokes in all members of the adoption triad, it nevertheless rings true and can be a great help in acknowledging, understanding, and validating the wounds created by the trauma of separation between mother and child. This understanding can help all members of the triad. It can provide validation for the experiences and feelings of adoptees, who have often felt misunderstood; it can bring solace to birth mothers, who have long been denied the truth of their loss; and it can be a source of information for adoptive parents, so that they can better understand and respond to their children.
Since its original publication in 1993, The Primal Wound has become a classic in adoption literature and is considered the adoptees’ bible. The insight which is brought to the experiences of abandonment and loss will contribute not only to the healing of adoptees, adoptive families, and birth parents, but will bring understanding and encouragement to anyone who has ever felt abandoned.
20 Things Adoptive Parents Need To Succeed
By Sherrie Eldridge
In this all-new companion volume to Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, Sherrie Eldridge shifts her focus from the adoptee to parents, offering practical wisdom and advice on creating a loving, nurturing environment for your adopted child.
Speaking from her own experience as an adoptee, Sherrie Eldridge share proven strategies and the moving narrative of nearly 100 adoptive families, helping parents gain a better understand of their children’s needs as well as their own. By truly listening to your child, by learning to speak his heart language, you’ll learn to connect on an even deeper level, opening the channels of communication—and keeping them open forever. Sherrie Eldridge will help you discover how to:
- Talk candidly with your child about her adoption and her birth family
- Give you tools for sharing negative birth history with courage and compassion.
- Help your child move his “broken life” narrative and develop a healthy identity
- Cope with emotional triggers so that you don’t fall apart when your child has a melt down
- Settle the “real parent” question by helping you see the uniqueness of your role.
- Hear what your adopted child can’t or won’t say but is in his heart—”I love you. I declare you to be a successful adoptive parent.”
- Translate your child’s adoptee heart language and communicate on a deeper level.
This ground-breaking first book gives voice to the very real concerns of adopted children and offers unique perspectives and unprecedented insight. Now in its eleventh printing, with more than 150,000 copies sold, this book is a classic in adoption literature. It is required reading by many adoption agencies for prospective parents. Adoptive parents also have found a new use for it with defensive teens and adult adoptees. The parent reads the book, makes personal comments in the margins (“I did well here….or, I blew it here”) and then sends it to the adult child to read. There are many success stories of opened communication between parents and adoptees.
Sherrie Eldridge will help you:
- Meet the emotional needs that your adopted child has trouble expressing.
- Remove misplaced guilt and love your child without reservation.
- Help your adopted child process loss and grief effectively.
- React wisely when your adopted child exhibits misdirected emotions.
- Increase a sense of closeness between you and your adopted child.
- Initiate conversations with your adopted child that foster the healing process.
- Build your adopted child’s individual confidence by celebrating your differences.
- Provide love in ways that your adopted child can receive.
- Value the role of birth parents without feeling insecure.
- Create an environment where your adopted child feels safe.
- Open conversation with a defensive teen or adult adoptee.
- Reduced fear about talking about the birth history, even if it’s negative or missing.
- Use to start discussions with your adopted child about their past.
- Enhanced freedom for your child to ask questions about birth parents and the birth experience.
- Deepened sense of connection between you and your adopted child.
- New ways to make your adopted child experience unconditional love.
By Lois Ruskai Melina
In this completely revised and updated edition of Raising Adopted Children, Lois Melina, editor of Adopted Children newsletter and the mother of two children by adoption, draws on the latest research in psychology,sociology, and medicine to guide parents through all stages of their child’s development. Melina addresses the pressing adoption issues of today, such as open adoption, international adoption, and transracial adoption, and answers parents’ most frequently asked questions, such as:
“Raising Adopted Children is a comprehensive source of practical, reassuring advice and intelligent support for the adoptive parent. [It is also an] excellent professional resource for social workers, physicians, teachers, therapists, and others working with adopted children and their parents.”
–North American Council on Adoptable Children“Melina, an adoptive parent, writes both sensibly and sensitively on many critical issues faced by parents and their adopted children from infancy through adolescence.”